Measurement Update (baby steps)

Honestly I can’t believe it has been 9 months since I last updated my measurements. I actually thought I had done it 2 months ago, time really flies haha. There is nothing amazing to report. As you know I have thyroid issues and because of it my metabolism is slower than average. Calorie deficits don’t work for me because it seems to trigger starvation mode instantaneously. For several months I attempted my usual over-exercise route but of course that has the same effect of slowing my metabolism to a crawl (it also increases my appetite). So recently I have reworked my exercise plan. I eat normally. No dieting. No restriction other than keeping my sweet treats down to once a day in sensible portions. I exercise in moderation (at least I try). I have after months of spinning in circles and struggling against my metabolism finally started to see a teeny tiny bit of movement in the right direction. It’s not much and I know anyone else in 9 months would have a totally different body by now but I haven’t gained and that alone makes me happy. Consistency, consistency, consistency. I am aiming for a lifelong plan obviously, not a quick fix.

Here are my old stats for comparison

Starting Weight: 59.5 kg/131lbs
Current Weight: 58 kg/127.8 lbs

Right and Left Arm: 27 cm/10.6 inches
Waist: 66.6 cm/26.2 inches (look at that evil number haha)
Hips 96.5 cm/37.9 inches
Right Thigh: 54.3 cm/21.4 inches
Left Thigh: 53.8 cm/21.2 inches
Right and Left Calf: 34.2 cm/13.5 inches
Chest: 95.5 cm/37.5 inches

Here are my stats as of this morning

Current Weight- 56.2 kg/123.8 1bs

Right and Left Arm: 25.4 cm/10 inches

Waist: 64.7 cm/25.5 inches

Hips: 91.4 cm/36 inches

Right Thigh: 51.4 cm/20.25 inches

Left Thigh: 50.8 cm/20 inches

Right and Left Calf: 33.6 cm/13.25 (My calves are pretty much just this size as weird and enormous as that is. No matter what I weigh that is the size they are.)

Chest: 88.9 cm/35 inches (I am not totally sure about this because I didn’t have a proper bra on I had on my sports bra where as before I wore a properly fitting bra. Either way my actual boobs don’t seem to have changed much and I hope they won’t because I am satisfied with them lol)

What I am aiming for (overall I am pretty content I just really want a tiny waist)

Weight: 54 kg/120 lbs (I am not that far! Though it might take me another 9 months to get there lol)

Arms: 9.5 inches so not much just a little sleeker

Waist: 23 inches (lol really I do probably not going to happen if I don’t give up gluten though because I have problems with my stomach (try alternating diarrhea and constipation, bloating and severe cramps))

Hips: I am not really aiming to lose my butt

Thighs: Don’t really care actually 20 inches even just for symmetry. I am not worried about thick thighs though, that is my personal preference. I wouldn’t mind losing a bit more fat and putting in some more muscle though. Actually even though the measurements haven’t changed much I visually do see a difference!

Calves: The calves I have are the calves I have, genetically I come from a long line of ladies with monster calves.

Chest: I would like to keep what I have please and thank you.

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Photos (be afraid)

Despite all the stress and sadness in my life at the moment I have managed to keep on track with my exercise. I have every workout planned in my journal, up to the end of October. I am always adding days here and there as I stumble on workouts that look interesting. I genuinely look forward to pulling out my journal and seeing what I have planned for the day. Occasionally I have to swap workouts but it always seems to work out, I make it work because it is important. I enjoy working out and I have definitely seen improvements in my fitness. I feel that my legs are looking more toned. My abs are looking better (I didn’t say impressive, no 6 pack here). My lower abs still look funny to me but I have a fair amount of scaring in my lower abs from pregnancy. I tried taking pictures of myself but that’s not easy to do really and I actually ended up with a boob slip but don’t worry I cut that part off! You see the scars there creeping up at the bottom which is partly why I used it so you could see what I was on about. Maybe I can get some more normal shots with help later. Yes I am wearing ugly sweat pants.

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As for my diet? I had gotten better about cooking there for a bit but with the house renovations underway I am back on the quick meals. When I say quick meals I don’t mean I eat fast food and frozen pizzas all the time or anything. I do eat frozen dinners but mostly vegan and vegetarian ones that are very low in sugars and high in fiber with recognizable ingredients. I tried cutting down on my portions/calories because I thought it might be the culprit in my plateau but it seemed only to make it worse. Now that I am eating more, I feel I am getting better results.

Actually this morning I broke the stalemate with my scale. It may just be a fluke but it is a fluke in the right direction. Just seeing that my scale has other numbers besides the ones it has been giving me is fabulous.

Over the weekend we bought Isadora some gym clothes for school. I was looking through her clothes the other day and noticed that her gym clothes were several sizes too small. Since I never see her wearing gym clothes and she never complained about them I hadn’t realized! I am a little nervous that she will hit a growth spurt soon and all that shopping will be for naught. She has been the same size more or less for 2 years 134 cm, 26 kg. A little taller, bigger feet, but no change weight-wise. She was tall for her age but since she has slowed down she is now in the middle of her class. I was the same though I started out really tall and then everyone caught up and somehow I ended up being relatively short when all was said and done.

Update Sorta Of

I haven’t been updating this blog very much lately. It’s not a shame thing I haven’t fallen off the wagon exactly. My exercise has been absolutely on point since January. I am really pleased with the system I have in place. My diet has hit some snags though. I had been consuming mostly frozen meals and I had increased my sugar intake substantially. I haven’t been gaining weight, I have simply stayed the same weight.

The last few days though hubby and I have been eating home-cooked meals and now that he is interested in cutting sugar it has been easier. It is rather difficult sitting beside him during television time, while he eats cookies, candy, and ice cream. I literally sit in a pile of sweets every night, often handing the goodies over to him. I do have willpower and I have resisted many nights of temptation but sometimes I give in (now I am not against the occasional treat if I am enjoying it, it’s just the mindless munchies I have a problem with). Basically I was letting myself go too long between my meals and getting too hungry. I’d tell myself it’s already 3 wait till dinner. I’d have a hard workout and instead of having a snack to refuel I would wait, however, long until the next meal. This method has not been working for me so thought I should change it.

I bought some protein powder so I can have-an after or during (if it’s a long/especially grueling workout)-shake. Yesterday I did an Asylum workout and I found that having the shake really improved my performance. I also have some nuts, even just a few nuts can keep me from getting to that ravenous phase. I hate cooking and so the idea of preparing many small meals is just beyond me but I think I can handle these simple snacks. Did I mention how much I don’t like cooking? I have bought some dark green leafies to just throw on top of whatever I am eating because I am too lazy to really prepare vegetables. I have also started eating parsley which is supposed to really help prevent muscle loss. In the USA whenever I ate parsley I broke out into a rash so I figured I might be allergic and thus I was a little scared to try it but it seems to be fine. I wonder if it was a reaction to some chemical they use on parsley in the USA as opposed to the actual plant? Anyway it hasn’t caused me any problems. I am also having ginger tea in the evenings with dinner which is quite nice. I am surprised how much I like it!

I am hoping these changes will help be develop more tone, that is really what I am after at the end of the day. I have always struggled to develop muscle. I get stronger and I get slimmer but I don’t achieve the level of tone I am after.

Trees, Vampires, Unphotogenic Women

Weight-loss is slow going, I believe the last time I revealed my weight to you I was 59.5 kg/131 lbs. Now I am 57 kg/125.6 lbs and it has taken me a damn long time to get to this point. I won’t make my 54 kg by June deadline, maybe 54 kg by December if I can stave off the winter plumping that a cold climate inspires. Even though I haven’t lost that much weight the difference in my body from the beginning to now is substantial or maybe it is purely a mental/emotional change. Either way I am actually pretty happy with my body despite not having reached any goals yet. Well I did reach my measurement thigh goal, I prefer or rather have come to accept that I don’t have model legs. Here’s to short chunky thighs! Hopefully I can manage to get a progress shot but it proved tricky to get a shot of myself by myself haha

I am sticking to my exercise routine and find that the way I have set it up is working out really well for me. I want to avoid dieting. I am eating less sugar, trying to cook more but other than that I am eating very much how I normally would (I love food even healthy food, my biggest issue was the tv snacking not so much the meals), no calorie counting, or anything. I have a young daughter who is now aware of such things and I just can’t see myself going on some crazy diet, it’s not like I am overweight in the first place.

On another note

I am impossible to take photos of, I am worse than a damn vampire in that respect. I see the camera but I am incapable of looking at it directly. I can’t make facial expressions (I do in normal circumstances but not in front of the camera). Sam found this program that interprets facial expressions and we tried it on our photos. Friends and family members had a myriad of complex expressions. My facial expressions were always 99% neutral. How does one make an expression of complete neutrality, am I a fucking tree? To top it off I have no understanding of light at all. As you know I am EXTREMELY farsighted which means I require a tremendous amount of light in order to see properly, with great lighting my vision is normal in my right eye (my left eye is lazy and weaker as you will actually see in the photo below, it isn’t usually THAT lazy but I didn’t sleep much last night and it was in the mood for a field trip apparently).

The bulbs in our house are always 100 watts or more and we usually have multi-bulbed fixtures because otherwise my world is very shadowy. Sam asked me the other day if it is like living in a video game from the 90s and yes actually that might come close. It is hard to explain it is like I am wearing a transparent but darkening veil. There are shadows everywhere and when I don’t get enough light my eyes play tricks on me, I literally cannot understand what I am seeing, it just makes no sense, like I have spotted something that doesn’t exist or a glitch/tear in reality. I wouldn’t say things are pixelated haha like in the games but strait lines appear to dance, shake, warp. I guess it is like stepping into bright light after a movie or standing in an unlit room before your eyes have adapted. You’d think having such a high requirement for light would make me exceptional at finding it but I am not which means I can never find proper lighting for my photos.

Anyhow I have this photo of me for some reason I am pulling my chin back in a way that gives me some extra chins or wrinkles really because they aren’t chins. I was in a awkward position trying to understand how to use the mirror to photograph myself and well I was very confused despite my complete lack of shits given expression. I took this photo not as a glamour shot (obviously people) but to show you my skin. All week I have been testing natural remedies to help improve my skin. I do think they have been helpful actually. I need seriously to fix my eyebrows what happened there?! I do have freckles do not be alarmed.

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Boobs and Core

Today I did P90X Core Synergistics. I have done this workout in the past. I got P90X shortly after moving to Sweden when I was trying to shed those stubborn post pregnancy pounds. I enjoy this routine and felt it went quite well. I was able to do some of the pushups in full and that is always something, my lunges were spot on. I did have trouble with chataranga it is hard exercise but having done Power Yoga the day before I found my muscles a little extra tired. I only managed one chataranga hold in full at the end, after that I had to do the chataranga hold on my knees. I can’t do chataranga runs yet (and for the life of me I don’t remember what I subbed with right now)  but whenever I do yoga I try to hold the pose for a bit to try and build some strength. I feel a bit slimmer!

Tomorrow I go in for my mammogram. My blood work came in yesterday and it showed normal immune function, that coupled with the exam and the doctor believes the discharge from my left breast was most likely cyst related but I still have to go in just to be certain. As for my thyroid it is still exhausted.

Measurements

Today I did Pap Upper from P90X2. The first circuit, which we repeated 4 times, was the hardest. I am quite slow at pushups so I had to pause and to do my 10 renegade row/pushups and 6 plyo pushups (I also somehow do these in slow mo which is very surreal). I did the warmup pushups in full form but then I had to go to my knees for the circuit though the rows were done in full plank. I was very pleased with myself I was able to hold the declined forearm plank in full form for the full time every time. My weights aren’t great for the rows though they crush my hands and so I am thinking I will need something that gives me a bit more clearance. I used bands in place of pullups because I do not have a pull up bar. I liked this workout I feel it really hit me in one of my weakest and hardest to get to areas.
Now for the measurements. I am disappointed with them honestly. Sam says I look great and reminds me to focus on health goals. He doesn’t think I need to lose weight.

Height: 5’4/163 cm
Starting Weight: 59.5 kg/131lbs
Current Weight: 58 kg/127.8 lbs
Goal Weight: 54 kg/120 lbs

My hope is to lose 2 lbs/0.9 kg a month. Obviously I’d love to be a 1 lb a week girl but since I am not overweight and I have Hypothyroidism that didn’t seem realistic to me.

I am not going to list my past measurements just click here to view them.

Right and Left Arm: 27 cm/10.6 inches (my arms got bigger all those pushups maybe?)
Waist: 66.6 cm/26.2 inches (small loss)
Hips 96.5 cm/37.9 inches (quite a big loss)
Right Thigh: 54.3 cm/21.4 inches (slightly bigger)
Left Thigh: 53.8 cm/21.2 inches (same, maybe I had a tense right thigh this morning)
Right and Left Calf: 34.2 cm/13.5 inches (small loss)
Chest: 95.5 cm/37.5 inches (loss but not desired)

My computer is not working well and needs to be replaced I do not know how long it has left =(

Practice: Happiness


I did this workout today as presented. I haven’t much to say today really. I have been thinking over what Sam said to me this morning about Happiness being a skill like patience. I am certain that’s true. Happiness isn’t found or lost in externals, it comes from within. If it is a skill that means one can practice happiness. I don’t exactly know how to train in happiness but if I had to guess it has nothing to do with being comfortable. If it had anything to do with being comfortable I would be a fucking master by now because I am a master at creating comfort zones and avoidance. If I had to guess being happy probably means embracing fear and moving towards it. If I had to guess happiness would mean opening all those creepy doors in one’s mind and airing shit out. If I had to guess it probably involves getting naked, rather than creating the perfect suit of armor. If I had to guess practicing happiness is probably just as uncomfortable and challenging as practicing patience.

Tomorrow is the day for the monthly measurements so I can see if I have made any progress! Tomorrow I will also be out of town at my sister-in-laws b-day XD

I am a little boat

Today I did Power and Balance P90X2. I loved it because I love working with balance but I like balancing with my own body. I am not 100% comfortable with the Pilates Ball particularly now that mine is in desperate need of inflating. I did use it but some of the exercises I opted for alternatives. My favorite exercise was the boat pose where you pass a the towel over and under the legs. I should make a video of it so you can see it because I can’t find one online to show you (I also liked the Warrior 3 Row and Shoulder Press Knee Raise). I am not sure I will mind because I am so self-conscious and sadly my laptop is entering her last year of life. Sam has been looking for an affordable replacement for both of us (his is also dying).

Weight Troubles

Prepare yourself for a whiny, self-deprecating rant. I have put out a good deal of weight I won’t say how much because I don’t want anyone calculating. I started out underweight and decided to gain a few pounds to get myself into the healthy range but then life happened. A lot of life from illness, to my Depression sending me on a comfort eating binge (where I consumed epic amounts of candy and takeaways), to vacations and just everything in between. During this time I did manage to workout some I mean I wasn’t a complete couch potato or anything but my fitness level did decrease.

I had some breathing issues for quite a while after my double bout with pneumonia so I was finding it hard to push without getting sick. After I took the antibiotics to clear my bacterial pneumonia (I also had viral pneumonia) my immune system was shit so I got sick many times after the pneumonia just over and over in some kind of vicious cycle. The stress of being sick so much did not help either I mean I was sick for a year and I still get sick more than I ever did. Anyone who reads my main blog will know that I contract an absurd amount of colds.

Anyways I was just very discouraged by the decrease in my fitness when I was finally able to return and never could get back into it fully. After my vacation I weighed myself and I was seriously bummed out by the results of my slacking. I am not overweight but I am above my normal healthy weight goal post and I can’t comfortably wear some of my clothes, mostly shorts and that sucks because it’s summer. I hate shorts (because I have chubby thighs/short legs and calves that men envy not very feminine but genetic my mom has literally had male bodybuilders ask her how she got such great calves so yeah) and I bought some cute shorts during my skinny period which do nothing for me now but take up closet space. My waist had gotten to be like 22 inches so I had trouble shopping for clothes and now I can shop normally which is great but I don’t feel confident with my body at all. I am just having a hard time adapting and sometimes Isadora comments on my weight gain unintentionally hurting my feelings. She really wants me to have a baby so she keeps rubbing my stomach hopefully.

Anyways I have been busting my ass for 3 weeks working out like a fucking maniac and my fitness is improving (I feel so much better than I did) but I haven’t even lost a single pound. Not a pound in 3 weeks and it just pisses me off.. I am tired of this up and down pattern and even though I have a lot of clothes I can never fully enjoy my wardrobe since the sizes are all over the place. I even keep three different sizes of bras on hand. I just want to get to my goal and stay there! I can wear the most clothes if I get there haha

To Curve or Swerve (a day in my life)

Generally speaking when people ask me about my day I cringe internally. I tend to be open with my feelings but for some reason talking about my day to day is a challenge. Since I have started therapy it has become increasingly important that I learn how to retrace my steps so to speak.

So here goes a boring day in the life of yours truly

6:00 am I woke up refreshed (no seriously I woke up in an unintelligible stupor tripping over imaginary tea kettles)

I post to my blog first thing after getting dressed drinking a full glass of water and taking my birth control pills 😛

Yoga for 30 minutes

Prepared breakfast for me and Isadora

I had two slices of herby bread with Italian cheese baked into the crust with a little bit of butter (I am not big on butter) and fat slices of seasoned tomato, an orange

Cleaned up after breakfast

Brushed my teeth (made sure Isadora brushed her teeth properly)

Then it’s on to the serious workout

I did this one today (full dying toward the end)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jp0bx39EGeY

Then I had a shower and changed clothes

At some point in the morning I read some posts

Went to Stadium Outlet with everyone to get some socks for me and Isadora. Looked at bathing suits for her (I would never dare I hate shopping for bathing suits!) but they never have her size =(

Went to the grocery store (I might want to slow down lest you get overstimulated :-P)

Came home put on some laundry while Sam made (heated lunch) I get super hungry by 11 am like can’t even think hungry. I had some sort of tortellini with vegetables and a tomato sauce. A slice of apple cake for dessert yum

I think I did more email and more laundry

Weeded Isadora’s clothes

Took out the recyclables with Isadora’s help

I talked to my mom on Skye!

Did more laundry and more emails

Set up my prompt

Played some type of alphabet game with Isadora

Explained to Isadora that our ordinary fan is not sucking up all the cold air from outside and making it hot (she didn’t believe me)

Gave Isadora an early bath because she was out in the yard running around and was just really sweaty

Watched a live action with Sam

Wrote my poem for the day =)

Found out I have to get my ID renewed =( Is absolutely terrified!

Ate dinner Sam made tonkatsu which is like a Japanese breaded pork with a sauce, rice and peas (it was delicious)

I am technically on a diet admittedly it’s a vanity diet since I am not overweight just over my normal weight. I didn’t eat very healthy though did I lol Whenever I go on a diet Sam gets in the mood to cook. He is probably going to make a peach cobbler with ice cream tomorrow which I will eat to support him haha Whenever I go on a diet I notice he starts feeding me. Why are you measuring that rice, eat another bite, have some pie. I think he likes my curves. I never like to take full body photos because they get into weird hands. Like I asked a question on 4 chan about hair and someone posted a picture of me talking about my amazing boobs (their words not mine). I am too shy to be curvy.

And here are some old pictures of me and Sam. Look how cute he is its insane!

CandiceStare

I do have a lazy eye but I am also looking at multiple things lol I used to have great skin! My hair is dyed in this.

Sam