First the good news

I ordered an Equalizer/Challenger. I am very excited. I really think it is going to push my workouts to the next level. It is supposed to arrive today but I have horrible luck with the mail so I am really anxious =(. I am also working a lot with my flexibility at the moment. My ankles have always been very stiff and I am not sure if that has to do with muscular tension in my calves but I am working on them from all angles. I am also working on strengthening my abductors. I have definitely increased my strength but they are still very weak in comparison to my adductors. My adductors could well be my strongest muscle and my abductors one of my weakest so I am seriously unbalanced. I am also trying to increase the mobility in my hips which is a bit weird. In some ways my hips are very flexible but in others my mobility is seriously limited think Frog Pose.


The other day hubbie and I were talking. He doesn’t feel he can be himself around some people which isn’t all that unusual, I feel that way too sometimes. I have never really detected anything remotely fake about him but he says that he sometimes avoids or side steps traps in conversation that might lead to confrontations. I don’t fully understand this concept. I asked him if I also do this and he said no. Apparently I set off all the traps and then I have no idea I have done it and just carry on more or less normally. While this obliviousness can diffuse some people/situations, it can also infuriate and exacerbate others. I had this problem with my bullies in school they wanted so bad to upset me but sometimes I just didn’t understand the situation well enough to be upset. My husband has Asperger’s Syndrome and yet sometimes he has to explain emotions and social situations to me. Of course there are times I get it and he doesn’t. We help each other out but even so we are considered “eccentric”. So far Isadora does not seem to have this same eccentricity she seems more or less on top of her social game.

The reason I mentioned the above was because I am not good at dealing with emotions. I have trouble understanding how I feel and most of my emotions are just some variant of grumpy. So the situation with my stepdad is very difficult for me to comprehend. My mom called last night. The cancer is worse than we thought it has spread more or less through his entire body. He is Stage 4. He probably has 1-3 months left. Right now he is in intensive care having his lungs drained but he wants to go home as soon as possible. Death is very hard for me to process. That is why I am not filming workouts right now, I feeling too emotional and vulnerable. I am working out because I need the stress relief.