Weight Troubles

Prepare yourself for a whiny, self-deprecating rant. I have put out a good deal of weight I won’t say how much because I don’t want anyone calculating. I started out underweight and decided to gain a few pounds to get myself into the healthy range but then life happened. A lot of life from illness, to my Depression sending me on a comfort eating binge (where I consumed epic amounts of candy and takeaways), to vacations and just everything in between. During this time I did manage to workout some I mean I wasn’t a complete couch potato or anything but my fitness level did decrease.

I had some breathing issues for quite a while after my double bout with pneumonia so I was finding it hard to push without getting sick. After I took the antibiotics to clear my bacterial pneumonia (I also had viral pneumonia) my immune system was shit so I got sick many times after the pneumonia just over and over in some kind of vicious cycle. The stress of being sick so much did not help either I mean I was sick for a year and I still get sick more than I ever did. Anyone who reads my main blog will know that I contract an absurd amount of colds.

Anyways I was just very discouraged by the decrease in my fitness when I was finally able to return and never could get back into it fully. After my vacation I weighed myself and I was seriously bummed out by the results of my slacking. I am not overweight but I am above my normal healthy weight goal post and I can’t comfortably wear some of my clothes, mostly shorts and that sucks because it’s summer. I hate shorts (because I have chubby thighs/short legs and calves that men envy not very feminine but genetic my mom has literally had male bodybuilders ask her how she got such great calves so yeah) and I bought some cute shorts during my skinny period which do nothing for me now but take up closet space. My waist had gotten to be like 22 inches so I had trouble shopping for clothes and now I can shop normally which is great but I don’t feel confident with my body at all. I am just having a hard time adapting and sometimes Isadora comments on my weight gain unintentionally hurting my feelings. She really wants me to have a baby so she keeps rubbing my stomach hopefully.

Anyways I have been busting my ass for 3 weeks working out like a fucking maniac and my fitness is improving (I feel so much better than I did) but I haven’t even lost a single pound. Not a pound in 3 weeks and it just pisses me off.. I am tired of this up and down pattern and even though I have a lot of clothes I can never fully enjoy my wardrobe since the sizes are all over the place. I even keep three different sizes of bras on hand. I just want to get to my goal and stay there! I can wear the most clothes if I get there haha