Workout for the Day

I thought I would share the workout I made for today. I can’t quite remember the precise order I don’t have my sheet in front of me. I did it twice through and it took about 40 minutes or so.

  1. Low Lunge Hold (20-50 seconds per side)
  2. Wall Squat Hold (20-50 seconds per side)
  3. Bulgarian Lunge
  4. 1-Leg Deadlift
  5. Plie Squat
  6. Side Lunge with Knee Raise
  7. Stairs (I walked up and down the stairs with my sandbag 8 times per round)
  8. Donkey Kicks (knees off the floor)
  9. Pull Through (I used a band wrapped around a solid base because I don’t have gym access.)
  10. 3 Position Calf Raise (First slow then fast. Feet Parallel. Toes In. Toes Out.)
  11. Inner Thigh Lift (You can do it elevated for a greater challenge I didn’t do that today though)
  12. Back Lunge with Kick
  13. Weighted Step Ups
  14. 1-Legged Squat (I use a chair)
  15. London Bridge (You can see that here as well as the Lunge with Kick I did and the advanced inner thigh lift I believe. Instead of a challenger you can use a chair as well.)

Fitness Goals

The other day I listed some of weight-loss and measurement goals so today I wanted to list my fitness/health goals which I feel are more important and will keep me motivated for years to come. From past experience I have learned that weight-loss only goals can lead to some pretty unhealthy practices. Either you hit your goal weight and then revert back to your pre-diet habits or you go to the other extreme pushing harder and harder in order to see “progress” via continued shrinkage. Neither is an ideal scenario and neither promotes health/self-acceptance. Since I am already at a healthy weight (vanity aside) my main focus is fitness.

  1. Run 5 km (I have never actually tried to run 5 km so who knows it might be possible now. I have never been interested in running but I just think this would be a good test of my cardio health. I will, however, be waiting until it warms up to test this out!
  2. Improve my core flexibility. I have been working at this a while now with twists, backbends, sidebends etc.
  3. Improve the joint stability around my knees. I have been doing quite a lot of leg work as of late (wall squats, lunge pulses, lunge holds etc.) and my legs are looking better for it. I am also working on my ankle and hip flexibility, as well as the strength in my outer thighs which are significantly weaker than my inner thighs. My goal is to improve my lunge and decrease the frequency of knee pain.
  4. Continue my posture work and strengthen my back. My abs have always been significantly stronger than my back so I want to achieve a better balance.
  5. Improve my wrist strength. This sounds weird but I have trouble with hyper-extending my wrists. At my cleaning job I carry an industrial vacuum around and the damn thing weighs 40 lbs easily and carrying it has resulted in reoccurring wrist pain.
  6. To do more pushups in full form than on my knees. At the moment I can’t do that many full pushups, the actual number varies daily (my wrist has been creating issues for me). To some day manage a spider pushup! I am actually pretty good at 1 legged pushups bizarrely.
  7. To cook all the recipes in a cookbook. I admit I saw a movie with this theme at some point years ago but if I was more confident in my cooking maybe it wouldn’t be such a chore. I am not sure this will ever happen but I put it on here anyways.
  8. Do a wall handstand. Actually in yoga classes I have done this successfully but that was with the emotional support of a teacher. When I am alone I am just too damn scared. My fear of heights is really out of control!

I will stop here because my mind just of blanked and anyhow there is plenty to work on already!

Working Out at Home

Originally I meant to take photos of all my fitness gear but unfortunately my camera started making some very strange sounds (like a cassette player eating a tape) and so not all of the photos came out. Anyways I gave up working out at the gym several years ago. Like many people I was worried that I needed the gym in order to get in shape but that turned out not to be the case. I can get in just as good shape in or out of the gym. For those of you using the gym stay away from the exercise machines (weights and cardio) in favor of free weights, kettle bells, medicine balls, ropes, sleighs, plyo boxes, tires etc.

So what do I have at home? (I have been collecting for more than 10 years this shit gets expensive)

For yoga and Pilates I have

3 mats (yes 3 because my joints just really need the extra cushion)

2 blocks

1 strap

1 bolster (Sam made the cover of my bolster out of fabric he bought from Tibet for a Christmas present one year)

1 Pilates ball

1 Bosu Ball (it needs some inflation)

3 Pilates bands

1 super simple kitchen timer (so not the fancy HIIT timers)


For HIIT weight training etc.

I have 2 exercise bands because those are easy to travel with

1 weighted jump rope

1 common wooden step stool (I don’t have a plyo box and spending that much money on a wooden box is beyond me, Sam plans to make one in the future)

2 kettles bells (1 8kg, 1 4 kg)

1 Medicine Ball (3 kg)

1 Wall Ball (7 kg, got it for my birthday!)

1 sandbag (10 kg)

1 Barbell (I am using the plate weights from another set on it though)

2 Large Dumbbells with plates

1 small Dumbbell with metal plates (I am not sure the max weight but I wish I had two of these because the smaller size is much easier for me to use)

2 basic 2kg Dumbbells


And lastly an Equalizer which I bought myself with my first paycheck


I can’t tell you how tired people are when they ask me what I want for X-mas/Birthdays and I say fitness equipment or gift cards to fitness stores lol Not all of my birthday gifts have arrived in the mail yet so maybe I will be able to add to this list. I still have some items on my wish list for the future and I would like to get confident enough to workout outside. If I could work outside I would like to get ropes and a tire. As for a sleigh I have been known to drag my husband around the floor (he is about 80 kg) lol I also use the stairs I have at home, chairs, brooms, towels because honestly a lot of household items will do beautifully. In my little village there isn’t a gym and the park has very limited equipment and the kids kind of have priority there. I sometimes run outside but other than that I mostly work out indoors. At the moment we are overrun with moose and deer, no fucks do they give about hanging out in the middle of the road or in people’s yard. We have them in our yard as well and let me tell you moose are scary big! What household items do you use and how?

Measurement Update (baby steps)

Honestly I can’t believe it has been 9 months since I last updated my measurements. I actually thought I had done it 2 months ago, time really flies haha. There is nothing amazing to report. As you know I have thyroid issues and because of it my metabolism is slower than average. Calorie deficits don’t work for me because it seems to trigger starvation mode instantaneously. For several months I attempted my usual over-exercise route but of course that has the same effect of slowing my metabolism to a crawl (it also increases my appetite). So recently I have reworked my exercise plan. I eat normally. No dieting. No restriction other than keeping my sweet treats down to once a day in sensible portions. I exercise in moderation (at least I try). I have after months of spinning in circles and struggling against my metabolism finally started to see a teeny tiny bit of movement in the right direction. It’s not much and I know anyone else in 9 months would have a totally different body by now but I haven’t gained and that alone makes me happy. Consistency, consistency, consistency. I am aiming for a lifelong plan obviously, not a quick fix.

Here are my old stats for comparison

Starting Weight: 59.5 kg/131lbs
Current Weight: 58 kg/127.8 lbs

Right and Left Arm: 27 cm/10.6 inches
Waist: 66.6 cm/26.2 inches (look at that evil number haha)
Hips 96.5 cm/37.9 inches
Right Thigh: 54.3 cm/21.4 inches
Left Thigh: 53.8 cm/21.2 inches
Right and Left Calf: 34.2 cm/13.5 inches
Chest: 95.5 cm/37.5 inches

Here are my stats as of this morning

Current Weight- 56.2 kg/123.8 1bs

Right and Left Arm: 25.4 cm/10 inches

Waist: 64.7 cm/25.5 inches

Hips: 91.4 cm/36 inches

Right Thigh: 51.4 cm/20.25 inches

Left Thigh: 50.8 cm/20 inches

Right and Left Calf: 33.6 cm/13.25 (My calves are pretty much just this size as weird and enormous as that is. No matter what I weigh that is the size they are.)

Chest: 88.9 cm/35 inches (I am not totally sure about this because I didn’t have a proper bra on I had on my sports bra where as before I wore a properly fitting bra. Either way my actual boobs don’t seem to have changed much and I hope they won’t because I am satisfied with them lol)

What I am aiming for (overall I am pretty content I just really want a tiny waist)

Weight: 54 kg/120 lbs (I am not that far! Though it might take me another 9 months to get there lol)

Arms: 9.5 inches so not much just a little sleeker

Waist: 23 inches (lol really I do probably not going to happen if I don’t give up gluten though because I have problems with my stomach (try alternating diarrhea and constipation, bloating and severe cramps))

Hips: I am not really aiming to lose my butt

Thighs: Don’t really care actually 20 inches even just for symmetry. I am not worried about thick thighs though, that is my personal preference. I wouldn’t mind losing a bit more fat and putting in some more muscle though. Actually even though the measurements haven’t changed much I visually do see a difference!

Calves: The calves I have are the calves I have, genetically I come from a long line of ladies with monster calves.

Chest: I would like to keep what I have please and thank you.

Hungry and Sleepy

I don’t actually remember where I am in this blog. What have I told you? What haven’t I told you? Anyhow I have switched to my new workout format. I now wake up at 5:50 am so I can get ready for work. I still do yoga in the mornings which is partly why I have to wake up so damn early. I don’t have much time to get ready in the mornings and it is a mad chaotic dash. I have to do a lot of prep in advance. I have to prepare my lunch and even my breakfast the night before. I have to set my clothes out in advance. I have to brush my hair and floss my teeth the night before as well. Weirdly my hair does not get tangled from sleeping. Once I am off the bus I have to walk as fast as I can (considering the snow and ice) to work. It is only like a 10 minute walk but I am power walking the hell out it. My job is not totally sedentary. I am standing for some of it, twisting turning, and occasionally it requires a little umm force. Then I get to sit in the cold for about 50 minutes waiting for the bus which I am sure is burning calories because even though I eat lunch I am pretty much starved by the time I get home lol Once home I clean and workout. I haven’t gotten used to the new schedule yet so the workouts are pretty fucking grueling. When I have yoga that is fabulous but Hiit and weights is tough. My arms are actually rather tired since I am using my hands and arms in my work. I know I am burning extra calories but I have less time to eat. I like to have peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast but that takes a long time to eat (I am the slowest sandwich eater in the known universe) and so I end up with oatmeal or kefir and muesli and that does nothing to sooth my voracious appetite. For lunch it is just easier to have a sandwich partly because I am too lazy about cooking dinner and rarely have anything left over. I have to get the eating sorted because I am sure that is partly why I don’t have any energy by the time I workout. Also Sam and Isadora are sick so I might be fighting their germs.


I went in for my interview today (not actually but I started this post days ago). I was very nervous as you can well imagine given my social anxiety. I am surprised at how many people don’t understand social anxiety. People often think that if they are nice my anxiety will magically disappear and while I obviously prefer the company of nice people, my anxiety never goes away. I keep thinking if I get to know someone well enough it will but it doesn’t. Because the anxiety never subsides people start to feel that I don’t trust them or that I have a bad opinion of them/don’t want to spend together. I am really only capable of being comfortable with one or two people at a time. Growing up I was comfortable with my grandmother and my best friend. Now I am comfortable with my husband and daughter. My anxiety is demanding and exhausting.

Anyways going to these interviews is pure terror but I did it. I don’t really know how to explain this job. I’ll be working with widgets, basically. Putting little bits with other little bits. I am nervous about working with numbers. We need 55 of widget A and 230 of widget B and the bookcases are all organized by numerical codes. I have Dyscalculia. I have trouble even with simple math. I have trouble reading numbers and saying them out loud. I turn numbers around when I write them down so I can’t even copy numbers from one paper to the next. I have a little book with my exercise schedules and the dates are always wrong, always and I don’t understand it because I am looking at the bloody calendar while I am writing it down. I have enormous trouble with time. I don’t understand the way people say the time it is ½ past blah. I have to say the time exactly and even then I am never really sure I have said it properly. I can’t really read a clock either. I do not think I need to tell you how embarrassing this problem is for a 35 year old! People always ask me why don’t you train? Well I have done. I have had so many tutors over the years! I have taken so many courses! I once had a math teacher experienced with Dyscalculia and I did improve a little which gave me hope but then I had seizures. After the seizures my issue got much worse. I now have to carry my phone number on a paper (that has been written by my husband) and hand it to people when they ask me what my phone number is. I hate when people speak their phone number to me because I don’t understand it and I have to explain that I can’t understand it. During the interview my caseworker asked me the hours I work at my cleaning job. I could not say them. She wanted me to pick times to begin on the spot and she had the bus schedule but I honestly can’t read the bus schedule so I told her I must wait and arrange it with child care. She wanted me to write the date on my contract but I never know the date and I can never remember how to write the date anyhow. I am going to have to start carrying my work schedule on a piece of paper. While it is embarrassing pulling out my little papers at least the info is correct (if someone else has written it).

I am upset with my caseworker. While trying to sort my schedule she asked me to move my therapy sessions. I asked her when exactly since I am set to work all week. I asked her if I should move them to the weekend for her convenience (I was that sarcastic). She looked a bit flabbergasted. She would cancel my therapy herself if she could do it. Therapy isn’t something I am doing for shits and giggles. She doesn’t like that I won’t work on therapy days. Again my therapy sessions aren’t about day to day annoyances. I don’t walk out feeling refreshed and validated. I am talking about some heavy shit in there and I am in a very vulnerable state afterwards. I am barely functional afterwards. Just getting myself home after is difficult, ask hubby who has had to rush out of work to pick up a very emotional confused wife. I am tired of having to fight and explain myself for going to therapy.

I got the internship btw. I just have to settle on some hours. It will be M T W and every other F for 4 hours a day. I am trying not to stress but I am. I am not sure if this will turn into a job because I am worried about the numbers issue. I am also worried because the lovely ladies I met there said it can be quite stressful. I am worried because I hate change and this changes everything. I am worried because if they offer the job I am supposed to accept it (The Unemployment Agency does not care if the job is awful). Maybe the job is just what I need and maybe I will enjoy it. Maybe the monotony of it, makes it safe. I am feeling negative at the moment though, about everything.

I also have some family issues. My mom is in a very bad mental state right now, I am extremely worried. I am also facing some very challenging parenting issues that I won’t go into here. Oh yes and my daughter had her birthday so I have had to arrange and participate in 2 parties.

Updates (long-winded)

This week could prove a challenge for me on many levels. Until Thursday my week is more or less the same as any other but from Thursday on the chaos starts. On Thursday when I would usually be heading into my cleaning job my caseworker has scheduled a job interview. For some inexplicable reason she schedules all meetings for my work hours. Since I work only 1 day a week and am otherwise available I have a hard time believing this is coincidental but at the same time it makes no sense for her to be doing it on purpose.

I am not really sure what the job entails. From what I gather I would be working in a plastics factory examining bits for flaws. I have a very cartoonish idea of working in a factory. I just imagine standing in front of a conveyor belt for hours on end placing the odd item into a box marked defective. Is this a thing? If I impress at the interview I could land an internship. The employer seems to be willing to let me work Monday Tuesday Wednesday and alternate Fridays so as not to interfere with therapy. That would cover all the hours I need and I could finally end my job search. The company is also within acceptable commuting distance. I just don’t know if I am qualified for the job or if it is something I would want to do day after day.

I am nervous not just about the interview but about going from being so disabled I couldn’t work to working part-time. That is a huge step and it will require readjusting my life (and my family’s life) in some ways. I am terrible with change (which is putting it euphemistically and mildly).

In some ways I am doing better but in others I am doing worse. My social anxiety has actually gotten significantly worse (it has been getting progressively worse for years). Aside from Sam and Isadora I am now speaking gibberish almost full-time. I simply cannot talk to people, I completely shut down mentally and physically. I still go outside sometimes (not as much as one should mind you) but I don’t interact anymore. I can’t answer the phone, just the sound of it sets me into a full blown panic attack. I dread when people talk to me at work but at the same time I care so little to talk to people that I prefer the awkward silence of not responding to the awkwardness of attempting to engage in conversation. Aside from saying hello I am more or less mute when I step outside of my house (well I do talk to myself). I am even struggling with my relatives (aside from Sam and Isadora). So my social anxiety is at an all time high and I am having panic attacks which I have been in denial about for years.

I am prone to normalization. So lets say I have a serious panic attack on Monday if you asked me on Friday how my week was I would say it went okay more or less. At most I might report some mild anxiety. I also normalize others. I was watching a documentary on Bipolar. My grandmother and mother both had/have it. I couldn’t remember the disorganized speech bit so I asked Sam since he also lived with them and he was just like are you kidding me??? They definitely did that but then again everyone I ever lived with has been seriously mentally ill (so far not Isadora) so I guess I just can’t tell. It also means, however, that I probably am not reporting everything to my therapist.

On Friday I have to go into work to make up for Thursday and I am worried there might be more customers.

Also on Friday we have a family dinner for my daughter’s birthday. So basically I need to get home eat, exercise, shower, clean, and help the hubster set up.

Saturday we will likely be setting up for the party on Sunday where Isadora will have her classmates over. I have no idea how many will actually show up but a house full of kids is very stressful. The party will be 2 hours and then I imagine a lot of cleaning.

Today I had an hour long workout but the rest of the week I have decided to go with short workouts because I just think it will fit better with all that is going on. I have decided to tailor my workouts more with my actual life. Before I just made the world stop for my workouts. I would even work out on days where I knew I had a lot of difficult physical tasks to do. The result? I became too sore and tired to be of much use. So while I do view my workouts as an integral part of my daily life I need to be a little more flexible about it. Next year when I paint the house, that will be counted as my exercise because that is going to be tough.

If you recall I had a recovery week and decided after that to readjust my workouts. Basically I was pushing my body so hard that I was breaking the muscles down and stalling my progress. I practice moderation in my diet so why not in my exercise routine? So far I haven’t put on any weight or gained any inches like I feared. I don’t want to go into any details about measures now because it is still early days with this and when you are dealing with the little numbers I am dealing with fluctuations are all too possible. What I mean is I don’t have a lot of weight to lose, not even 10 lbs so the figures are just so small.

What have I been doing lately? In my yoga I like to work on my weaknesses. If in a workout I notice I am not performing well at a certain move, I will build up the stabilizer muscles required to better execute that move. Lately I have been working on my thighs from every angle and you know it is helping! I also started working on my core flexibility. I have very low flexibility in my lower back and the muscles in my abs are so tight I can’t even perform cobra properly. I feel like the skin itself it going to split. Yesterday I actually managed Camel Pose for a brief spell. For years I could not do this move at all because it caused so much pain (the bad sort) and while it was challenging, it did not hurt. Progress. I have increased my hip flexibility as well and I am quite pleased with the results.

I think I have this week and next planned in a similar fashion but then I decided to go over to this style for bit and see how I do. There should be at least 2 days between every HIIT routine. I have been stressing and stressing about how to make that work in a 7 day week but then I realized it is better to look at the big picture. I might not be able to squeeze in 3 HIIT workouts into one week because of my schedule (my job on Thursday is very physical and I just can’t do HIIT that day) but if you think about it from a wider perspective I am still doing HIIT regularly. I also wanted to just weight train. I used to weight train quite a bit but when I discovered HIIT I started to neglect it. Not that you don’t work on your strength in HIIT but it’s not quite the same focus. I don’t have core days specifically because the Pilates day will certainly have core strength components. Also you can’t do HIIT without using your core and the yoga I do requires core strength as well.

Monday- Yoga

Tuesday- Hiit

Wednesday- Upper Body

Thursday- Yoga

Friday- Hiit

Saturday- Lower Body

Sunday- Pilates or similar

First workout after my recovery week

Today I had a HIIT workout (coming off my recovery week). So how did it go? I felt I was a bit slower particularly to start. The first jump I did was a total omg what the hell is my body doing moment. The jumps proceeding that one I actually felt I achieved a bit more height than normal. There is also an exercise where I have to use the equalizer to lift my whole body off the floor. Today was actually the first day I succeeded and I managed the whole way through. Pushups were hard because one of my elbows locked up and kept popping. In the burn out section I did quite well I definitely feel my outer hip strengthening exercises are working.

So how was my recovery week?

Today is officially the last day of my recovery week but since Monday is my designated yoga day, tomorrow will basically be the same. So how’s it been going? The first day or two I was feeling very anxious. I had a hard time convincing myself to take a break (the video really helped) and I was worried about regaining the weight (not that I have lost much). Day 3-5 I was feeling great and enjoying my recovery program. Day 6 was fun because I went to the park (this particular park is located in our old neighborhood and we haven’t been for years) with Sam and Isadora. The park has a lot of outdoor training equipment, all sorts of climbing and balance stuff (what the hell is the term for this style of training???!) which they didn’t have previously. We all had a blast climbing, balancing, and exploring. Day 7 aka today I am feeling antsy. I really can’t wait to get back into it and see where I am. I wonder if the time off has set me back or if it is just the recharge I needed? My fear of gaining didn’t come true and I kept my diet normal except for the protein shake which I only ever drink when doing an intense workout session. I hope the lighter training schedule I have planned will be more balanced and effective. I have also added some new exercises to me yoga routine based on physical therapy and I am hopeful that they will help be achieve more joint stability and improve my over all performance. I have already seen an increase in my flexibility/mobility.

Bad Hair


I need a haircut. My hair is quite damaged, a lot of breakage, heavy shedding, coarse as an old broom. In the image it is unbrushed but covered in oil. I am not sure why it looks like I have stripes though. I have been thinking of cutting it shoulder length for a while but Sam and I are both too shy to make hair appointments. Sam likes it shoulder length and while part of me likes long hair, the lower maintenance shorter hair works better for me. I am absolutely hopeless with hair which is probably why it is so damaged. I don’t do anything to it offensive like blow dry it, dye it, or straiten it but I am lax about oiling it and it needs a lot of oil because I don’t seem to make any oil. I have tried everything to get my scalp to make its own oil but it just doesn’t, could be my glitchy thyroid.