I am just a person you know?


I am not certain that I can effectively express my thoughts here so bare with me.


People often question the way in which I live my life. Providing useful cough advice on how I can remedy my situation. Never mind that I am a sentient being with my own personal destiny. Never mind that they are dissatisfied with the very predicament they wish for me to emulate.

People often question the motives behind my actions and choices.

When I’ve made a mistake people want to know why and until I can provide them with the answer they are looking for they do not appear to move on. Whether they need an excuse to hate or forgive the answer they seek must conform to either their illusions of me and/or their illusions of self. No matter how sincerely I try to answer if my answer doesn’t fall within their range it will be refuted truth or not.

People are always pruning one another. Little criticisms here and there to keep one another “in line” so to speak. Ironically most people are dissatisfied with the very aspects of society that they most vigorously impose.

We’re so used to being forced to excuse every aspect of our being that we end up forming elaborate philosophies to justify our behaviors. We develop these immobile and elaborate constructs of self, like some sort fucked up Avatar that we spend every waking moment of our lives guarding. Anyone who challenges our construct is seen as a threat. In some cases the challenger might mean us harm but all too often we avoid stimulating and invigorating relationships because they threaten to expose our false idols.

The ego makes us believe that the world revolves around “I”. Is your lover upset? Before we’ve exchanged so much as a word Ego is already suiting up for war. Fuck listening we’re too busy trying to intuit what we’ve done so we can either repair the damage or deflect/divert blame. Even if their problem has nothing to do with us it still has everything to do with us because Ego takes everything personally.


My conclusions humans make even the simplest situations hysterically complicated. If we stopped trying so hard to look intelligent we might not act so fucking stupid.


I ate your muffin because it looked good and I was hungry not because I hate you. Not because I lack respect. Not because it is my purpose in life to abolish all of muffin kind. There is no excuse I am a muffin stealing bastard end of.



My Book is Available!


Right now it is only available at Lulu because we have to proof for Amazon and at the moment it is in just a paperback version  Sam and I completely forgot the E-Book probably he thought I didn’t want an E-Book version because he bases a lot on voice tone and sometimes my voice tone is inexpressive. Anyways I will remind him later.

My Book!!!!!


Oloriel Moonshadow designed the beautiful cover check out her blog =)

Poetry Book


Sylwia Makris

The editing has been completed on my book. Now I have to read through each poem and see if I’ve selected well. This first book contains a lot of older work. To be honest I already have enough for a second book and possibly even a third. I have no expectations of wealth or fame rest-assured lol Nothing nearly so grand but if I go with Lulu I will have to charge enough to afford the price of publishing with them (not the whole price but some of it because they are expensive and my family lives on one income). I won’t be advertising with Lulu. Ororiel has created a gorgeous cover. Melanie has done the editing. So some of the costs have been averted thanks to their extreme generosity. I will create a page for each of my blogs with the book information so you can order but I won’t be removing anything from my blogs or pimping out my book every other post. I am not sure if I will advertise elsewhere, maybe facebook and Twitter. I wanted to use Lulu because the quality seemed good. I have designed the book to be similar in size to my favorite paperback poetry book because it fits so well in the hand. I often find myself holding the book for no reason whatsoever. I want it to be irresistible to hold lol. Of course I will have an E-book version but as I prefer my poetry books in the flesh, there will be a flesh version too. I am not sure how long to the debut. I am hard at work. I’ve started an exciting project too but I won’t tell you a thing about it. Oh yeah the book name is “An Alterable Void” pending any snags of course. I am in full blown obsessive mode so forgive me if I am distracted. I will do my best to write, at least to Mindlovemisery, every single day as always. 

The Curse of Fame


Natalie Shau

Is a broken heart

The prerequisite of genius?

Or does genius instigate defect?

Is fame based on merit or tragedy?

Do we choose the souls

Most tortured so we’ve nothing

Whatsoever to live up to?


To a writer popularity

Feels suspiciously much

Like mediocrity

To be truly unique

One expects

To meet resistance

To be a celebrity means

That quality is optional

I would think it scarifying

For your best and worst work

To be held in the same esteem



Brian Durushia

I stumble face-first through unobstructed space

To what fear do  I assign these inadequacies?

I venture that life is more terrifying

Than a beseeching black womb

I venture that light is more obfuscating

Than darkness for the eyes serve the ego

To know the heart without pretension

Is the appeal of sleep but I do not wish

To remain motionless that long

To pursue that which can only be conceived

Is the reclamation of wonder and indeed

It is better to chance upon happiness

Than to surrender to a sentient death


I was on the tram and I just wrote down my random nonsensical thoughts I feel half-crazed today. I did go to the library b/w everything else and checked out “Slouching Toward Nirvana” by Charles Bukowski now if only I had a moment to read it lol



By: chryssalis

I weave my nerves into the eye of Moirai

That I may know intimately the conditions

Underneath which we heedlessly suffer


I press my heart firmly against your palate

That my warmth might thaw your resignation

Please do not solicit me with indifference

Instead, let me lick the condensation

Of your hidden fires that you may carry me

Unholy in the base of your spine 

Poem Fragments


I don’t usually share my unfinished poems but I thought I’d do so now. I am not sure if this offers any particularly insight, possibly that I’m lame though that was hardly a secret 😛 The numbers are serving as titles as I haven’t named them.


Even though you don’t occupy

My loneliness you remain

Imperforate on admission

For there is nothing about you

That I would ever replace


The sky is a rose half-open

I gather storms, the thorns

Of a precarious rapture

I am not afraid to scar

Not afraid of those three words

That when strung together

Could alter wholly, my world


By what voodoo do you absorb

The torment of every incarnation

Ever fabricated in the suppression

Of my disconsolate soul?

Zero to Hero Day 10


Today’s challenge was all about adding widgets and again I chose to keep it simple. I might add a Blog Roll later when I have more time. For now I added a follow my blog via email button and a Goodread’s section. I have a lot of adding to do to my Goodread’s page but a few of my favorites are listed so check it out. Also please feel free to suggest books!


In unrelated news Sam and I are going to look at our first house today! We’ve browsed houses online but we’ve never taken a physical tour as we’ve never been in a position to consider owning a home. I can’t say that we are in a position now exactly but we’ve been saving up. Provided we can get the requisite loans we may be able to purchase a house! Our requirements make finding a home within our budget especially difficult

1) Must have access to tram and/or bus. I am unable to drive because of Epilepsy and there is no sign of that changing so I need to be able to get into the city without a chauffeur.

2) Must have a grocery and school nearby. Again this has to do with my inability to drive.

3) Would like to have a small easily maintained yard for Isadora. Neither Sam nor I have a green thumb so a huge garden is out of the question haha

4) Must be a reasonable distance from Sam’s work to avoid a painful commute

5) Must have a shed, garage, basement or something of the kind so Sam can woodwork

6) Must afford some privacy. We don’t want to live in an attached house for example

7) Must have 2 bathrooms. We are going to have a teenage girl so I think that goes without saying lol

8) While Sam in extremely handy we cannot afford extensive repairs/remodeling so the house must not have any major issues

9) Must have closets/storage space haha

10) Yoga room. That’s right I want a room for exercise because I exercise everyday and aside from writing which doesn’t take much space it is a primary hobby

11) Must have a spacious, well-planned kitchen. Sam and I cook A LOT and we have quite a lot of supplies.

12) Must have washer/dryer hookup. The thought of a 40 minute bus ride into the city every time I need to do laundry is a terrible one. Actually if that were the case I’d get a tub and a washboard.

13) We need 2 bedrooms, decent size. While Sam and I don’t actually need much space in our bedroom Isadora needs a play area

14) Must not have ghosts!

15) Must not be infested with insects, vermin, or mold


We looked at the house and it does have all the things we want. The yoga space is amazing haha There is some damage and I believe a lot of the outdoor paneling will need to be replaced provided there is no rot issues that is feasible. The bathrooms are small but they exist and Sam can build shelving. He built shelving for a previous bathroom and it held a ridiculous amount of stuff and it was totally unobtrusive so. He would have a nice big garage for wood-working. The kitchen is adorable and the layout of the house is really nice. Isadora loved the yard. A lot of research needs to be done and we still have to go to the bank to see if a loan is even possible. Without a loan we will have to look at apartments instead.
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