Getting back into the groove

Tuesday was my first workout after my week long yoga break. I was very excited to get back into a more rigorous training routine. Yoga has been enjoyable. I needed the pause. My flexibility has improved and I even got a few good night’s sleep out of it. I am sad to say that I am back to dreaming in excess though. I wake up feeling exhausted and I remain in this kind of hazy intermediate stage much of the day. Funny thing though I seem to be capable of inducing sleep in others. I don’t mean people doze at the sound of my voice. It’s just that when I am the bus there is a circle of people around me, dead asleep. Not just in the morning which is understandable but in the middle of the day as well. Only around me everyone else on the bus is awake and animated midday. It’s like I’m exuding all my good sleep hormones!

Onto my workouts. So far so good. Tuesday was HIIT. My breathing was good. I felt I was jumping higher. I had fun. My calves are sore though (jump rope). Wednesday was an arm workout. I had 15 exercises and 30 minutes to complete as many rounds as possible. I got through 3 sets, with 8 reps each. A personal best actually. I had to make some changes to avoid putting weight onto my right wrist though. My wrist has been an issue for years. About 3 years ago I injured my wrist while jumping back into a Burpee. I tried resting the wrist but it didn’t help. Then I discovered I was tucking the wrist under my body when I was sleeping so I bought a wrist brace to sleep with at night. That really helped but before my wrist completely recovered I fell hard on some ice and landed with tremendous force on my recovering wrist! Ever since then I go through cycles where my wrist is okay, kind of weak but I can bear weight. After a while bearing weight gets painful so I take it easy. The wrist gets worse anyway and eventually interferes with normal activities so I sleep in the brace and it improves back to stage one. So never quite right but not always bad. In the worst stages it burns and my fingers fall asleep and its feels floppy and stabby and weird. I suppose I should check it out but I don’t want to go to the doctor. Today is yoga since I have my cleaning job which is quite strenuous by itself.

I have recently started meditation. The first night I slept brilliantly. Meditation is something I have always found threatening in practice, theoretically it sounds lovely. I have Dissassociative Disorder so I am not exactly on speaking terms with reality. I am certain to run into some demons during this process and I am not ashamed to say that scares me. Sitting with myself, being present, feeling my feelings I expect I am going to struggle sometimes. At the moment I am experiencing some resistance (both of the mental and physical sort). While I am meditating I am okay. I have monkey mind and I have pain/tension but it’s okay. The following day though I am tired, disoriented, and easily irritated. I have periods were I just forget how to person like I’ve had some sort of neurological episode. I am finding this very difficult actually. I imagine it’s like starting to exercise at first you are sore and exhausted! At least that is how I choose to see it. I have never stuck with meditation though so I want to give it an honest go.

For the sake of honesty my diet hasn’t been great lately. A lot of frozen meals (not that my frozen meal choices are all pizza I eat a lot of vegetarian dishes). I haven’t yet worked cooking into my schedule. Also Sam has made several batches of chocolate muffins and some chocolate balls with Oreos and cream cheese. So I have had too much sugar.


On another note I have been fidgety. I seem to want to be busy but I am not quite sure what I want to do.


11 responses

  1. I’m not one for meditation …. I just can’t work it – but then, I’ve never really committed to it either – but maybe what you’re experiencing “after” the initial “good” is a mind revolt. I mean, psychologically, some of our demons like it damn well and straight when we’re at their mercy, so if you find that over time, you find more “peace and centeredness” and can then be less inclined to “topple at their command” – then it just might be the “fight to the death” as the new introduction is an interruption in their routine and control. I’m guessing only time will tell whether this calms down and phases itself out, or what.
    Hope you see it through and find out.

    • I think it has the potential to be very good for me. I mean in theory it could help me connect with my person unit and eventually, given time, it might help me wake up a little. I feel like I am never fully awake or asleep you know? I do think it will be an uphill battle to start but I am nothing if not stubborn haha

      • well, hopefully it will help …. and if you already anticipate that it might be a bit rough, at first, then at least, you know how better to deal and understand whats’s what …. I really hope it does help 🙂

      • I think it will be beneficial in the long run, at the very least I feel it is worth trying. Experiencing a touch of anhedonia at the moment though I think that is more because I have been neglecting my writing. I tend to get Depressed when I don’t write.

      • now that’s an interesting term …. anhedonia …. and I’m sorry to hear it …. but I can relate, I think …. that persistent deep “enhh” that no matter, or almost no matter what, you just can’t shake.

        Well, perhaps a bit of a dibble or dabble with some words, even if you’re not feeling up to posting anything, might help you slip into a connection with your missing self ….

        sending you some gentle hugs and good thoughts Yves

      • well, sometimes you just need to let it slip out as it wants …. lest we go mental in the process ….. take it easy and I hope that you have a really great start to the week Yves ….
        and thank you for the hugs ….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s