Time for Failure

I just wanted to share something with you that I have been thinking about. My thoughts are jumbled so bare with me. I do HIIT regularly, the intervals in HIIT are generally between 20-50 seconds. I prefer a 30 second interval, longer intervals are harder to pace. High repetitions and long intervals can also lead to sloppiness. I lose focus and before I know it I have smashed the weight into my knee (really I have the bruises to prove it!).

When I am doing an interval I want to complete the interval from the first beep to the last beep in good form. My drive for “perfection” often discourages me from taking on the most challenging version of an exercise. For example if I have a 50 second interval and the exercise is pushups I am likely to do them on my knees because I know that I can complete the interval “perfectly”. The problem is that with exercise the whole point is failure. Unless you fail you are not going to get stronger. Without failure there is no success. I hate nothing more than to be doing an exercise and to just collapse, it makes me feel weak. I hate when I have to take a pause to catch my breath. I hate when I have to take a pause because my arms are wobbly and uncooperative. I hate the idea of doing 20 seconds of full push ups in an interval that was meant to be 30 seconds. I hate dropping to my knees when I can’t squeeze out one more full push up. I don’t like stumbling and overly complicated exercises. I am a type A personality and guess what I hate that too.

Tidy routines are essentially maintenance routines. I have to fail again and again in order to get stronger. One of the reasons I hate running is because other people might hear my labored breathing as I pass. I am very self-conscious about being human. For many years I could not bring myself to sweat. I would essentially not drink to avoid sweating too much. I have gotten passed that hurdle. I sweat now, at least in the privacy of my own home.

In the privacy of my yoga room I have started to push myself harder, sometimes I even laugh when I fall on my face because I couldn’t do that 1-handed pushup. Sometimes I discover that I have more in me than I thought. My goal is not to become an athlete. I don’t want a 6 pack. I don’t want to be hard and chiseled. I don’t want 10% bodyfat which would compromise my health. My bodyfat goal is 19% but since I have no way of assessing bodyfat I am just going to have to eyeball it lol. Also as long as my bodyfat is in the healthy range everything else is just vanity. Based on this image I would say I was probably 23%, maybe 24% bodyfat it is a little hard to judge because I can’t see their thighs.

Anyway that was off topic. I believe that you can’t succeed without failure, applies to life as well. Life is messy. We are meant to fuck up. Fuck the self-improvement movement. Watch this talk instead and enjoy your imperfect and utterly ridiculous life.


I actually have a lot more to say but since it is a different topic I thought I ought to wait till another post.


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