Trees, Vampires, Unphotogenic Women

Weight-loss is slow going, I believe the last time I revealed my weight to you I was 59.5 kg/131 lbs. Now I am 57 kg/125.6 lbs and it has taken me a damn long time to get to this point. I won’t make my 54 kg by June deadline, maybe 54 kg by December if I can stave off the winter plumping that a cold climate inspires. Even though I haven’t lost that much weight the difference in my body from the beginning to now is substantial or maybe it is purely a mental/emotional change. Either way I am actually pretty happy with my body despite not having reached any goals yet. Well I did reach my measurement thigh goal, I prefer or rather have come to accept that I don’t have model legs. Here’s to short chunky thighs! Hopefully I can manage to get a progress shot but it proved tricky to get a shot of myself by myself haha

I am sticking to my exercise routine and find that the way I have set it up is working out really well for me. I want to avoid dieting. I am eating less sugar, trying to cook more but other than that I am eating very much how I normally would (I love food even healthy food, my biggest issue was the tv snacking not so much the meals), no calorie counting, or anything. I have a young daughter who is now aware of such things and I just can’t see myself going on some crazy diet, it’s not like I am overweight in the first place.

On another note

I am impossible to take photos of, I am worse than a damn vampire in that respect. I see the camera but I am incapable of looking at it directly. I can’t make facial expressions (I do in normal circumstances but not in front of the camera). Sam found this program that interprets facial expressions and we tried it on our photos. Friends and family members had a myriad of complex expressions. My facial expressions were always 99% neutral. How does one make an expression of complete neutrality, am I a fucking tree? To top it off I have no understanding of light at all. As you know I am EXTREMELY farsighted which means I require a tremendous amount of light in order to see properly, with great lighting my vision is normal in my right eye (my left eye is lazy and weaker as you will actually see in the photo below, it isn’t usually THAT lazy but I didn’t sleep much last night and it was in the mood for a field trip apparently).

The bulbs in our house are always 100 watts or more and we usually have multi-bulbed fixtures because otherwise my world is very shadowy. Sam asked me the other day if it is like living in a video game from the 90s and yes actually that might come close. It is hard to explain it is like I am wearing a transparent but darkening veil. There are shadows everywhere and when I don’t get enough light my eyes play tricks on me, I literally cannot understand what I am seeing, it just makes no sense, like I have spotted something that doesn’t exist or a glitch/tear in reality. I wouldn’t say things are pixelated haha like in the games but strait lines appear to dance, shake, warp. I guess it is like stepping into bright light after a movie or standing in an unlit room before your eyes have adapted. You’d think having such a high requirement for light would make me exceptional at finding it but I am not which means I can never find proper lighting for my photos.

Anyhow I have this photo of me for some reason I am pulling my chin back in a way that gives me some extra chins or wrinkles really because they aren’t chins. I was in a awkward position trying to understand how to use the mirror to photograph myself and well I was very confused despite my complete lack of shits given expression. I took this photo not as a glamour shot (obviously people) but to show you my skin. All week I have been testing natural remedies to help improve my skin. I do think they have been helpful actually. I need seriously to fix my eyebrows what happened there?! I do have freckles do not be alarmed.

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