Well I went to the Unemployment Office today. My first visit was unproductive and intimidating. The first time I thought I was prepared. I’d went online, spent a significant amount of time filling out various forms. The first time I didn’t schedule an appointment because I didn’t think it was possible. Within a few minutes of opening my mouth I was informed, by a very intimidating woman, that I had not filled out the appropriate sections and that I needed to sort that shit out and schedule an appointment (not in those exact words). So I left feeling quite deflated and rather idiotic. I did, however, go home and fill out more boxes. I even managed after much trial and error to schedule an appointment. Today I went to said appointment and was greatly relieved that my caseworker was not the same woman!
My caseworker was actually very nice, she didn’t speak English and so I rambled in my pitiful broken Swedish but we managed. I told her I was in therapy and gave her my therapist’s card. She said there is assistance for persons with disabilities and mental health conditions. For persons with disabilities and mental health conditions they can get extra training, accommodations, and it seems that the caseworkers take a more active role in the job finding process. That is exactly what I need. My disabilities/mental health conditions have made finding and holding jobs very difficult (try being 35 without gainful employment or experience!). My caseworker will contact me again for an appointment with a specialist. I will bring in my ADD diagnosis and hopefully they will contact my therapist so they can see where I am on the mental health side of things. I don’t know yet. In the USA I was declared unfit for work and told that I would need to be on disability for life (apparently my ADD is really really severe and now they have discovered even more serious issues). I didn’t really take that well and never did go on disability although that meant not having an income. Here in Sweden I do not know what to expect. Perhaps my condition will not warrant assistance at all or the procedures for obtaining the assistance may involve Vårdcentral and hours of complicated paperwork and testing), maybe I will receive the assistance, maybe they will decide I am not able to work at this time. I have no idea. I felt positive about the meeting but I am cautiously optimistic and completely paranoid at the same time.
I might not become famous. I think it rather unlikely given my approach to life and my irredeemable tendency to waver over every significant decision. I accept that writing is my gift and though my gift is a modest one, it is nevertheless the gift I am designed to give. I couldn’t live without writing that’s certain but I am also not certain that I could survive life as a full-time writer. Before I am a writer, I am a romantic. For me family is first and so writing 14 hours a day in utter seclusion just does not work. I want to be healthy, I want to love deeply, I want to see my daughter grow up. And I even want 8 hours of sleep every night because without it I am stark raving mad and that is no exaggeration (I am literally nonfunctional laughing and crying/hysterically in a world all by myself). That said I will continue writing daily and I will publish more books (hopefully at a better pace than I have going now) but I am looking into part-time work. Ideally, I want to work in the library so I can be around books and so I can stock the shelves with books I am passionate about muahaha. I feel I need this experience, that I need to develop independence and confidence or else I can’t possibly succeed at writing even if I did later decide on that full-time.
So what did I get for my birthday?
Sam’s parents gave me cash which I used to buy chairs for our dining room. We never have enough chairs when the family is over and since we may be hosting Christmas this year I don’t want to have people sitting on step stools and the like. I still need to find a 2nd hair chair for my desk, yes I want a 2nd hand one because they have more character.
Sam’s sister got me a gift card to my favorite store and a plant.
Sam’s friend at work whom I have met a few times bought me pens, this particular make of pen has been used by several famous writers.
Sam bought me two dictionaries filled with insults and vulgarities from the 1800s!
A set of Blackwing pencils plus extra erasers and a pencil sharpener. Blackwing is also used by famous writers and other creative sorts.
I also got some colorful cute socks and chocolate
Prior to my b-day hubbie bought me a pair of Yellow Cab leather boots. I wear boots fall, winter, a good portion of spring, and in the summer when I can get away with it. I only ever change to wear sandals in the summer and running shoes when I am being sporty or intend to do a lot of walking. I even wear boots when I dress up instead of whatever else ladies’ wear.
exactly like this pair