I woke up this morning with an intense case of nausea and no appetite (which never happens). I am also depressed. I have lost confidence in my writing (again I go through my ups and downs same as any writer). Everything I write lately bombs and friends seem to be vanishing left and right. What disturbs me most is that I cannot determine the cause. Boring? Cliche? Grammatically flawed? Detached? Insensitive? Lack of reciprocation? Where’s my objectivity? Is what I am producing now so different in quality? Or is it not different enough? (Don’t answer yet)
I firmly believe “talent is a pursued interest” but my rate of development is painfully slow. I am tired of being mentally ill, just thought I’d throw that out there because it is damn annoying to be average but not have the stability or capacity to perform as such. I am tired of waking up everyday and feeling: guilty. Guilty and grumpy comprise 95% of my moods am I really so unstable? 😛 Now I am smiling because I realize I am sitting here, a full grown woman having a tantrum. I love to watch Star Trek but I am so damn tired of dreaming about Star Trek, seriously it’s that thought-provoking. Where are my superhuman abilities? As a side note I do have something really eating me up that I can’t talk about in a public forum but it’s there and it hurts.