There are some promises we make to our friends and family solely to assuage or guilt. We promise to support someone and then when the time arrives we retreat. I am like a small child. If you make a promise to me. I take it to heart. I believe it with my whole heart. I get excited. I am not saying I can’t forgive a broken promise because I can. I understand that life gets in the way at times. My problem is with fake promises. The promises people make socially that they never have any intention of realizing. If you promise to do something for someone they will feel good until you don’t and then they will feel crushed/betrayed. Especially be wary when it involves the realization of someone’s dreams. I am not willing to give up on my dreams but there are so many out there who will if their support system short-circuits.
The worst for me is when after days, weeks, or even months of swearing they suddenly forget that they ever offered. I’d rather they just fessed up and apologized so we could move on without the awkwardness and prolonged disappointment. I will continue to wait for the fulfillment of said agreement so that everyday it does not occur I will feel betrayed all over again (provided the situation is not clarified). I have a high opinion of people. My expectations are set based on what you say about yourself. So if you say I am an honest person and I promise to do such and such then I expect you to do such and such (within reason of course). If you say I lie frequently then I won’t hold you to any promises nor will I seek out any agreements or situations where I must rely on you. I will still be your friend of course but I will be spared unnecessary grief. I can accept a lot, try me. Please do not make me a promise you have no intention of keeping no matter how pleasurable it might feel in the short-term. If you do make me a promise and feel ill-equipped or uncertain about your ability to carry out said promise then tell me so strait up.
Watch out for social promises, even online. I am a real person. A real person who just happens to be very sensitive and very gullible. The next time you think to invite someone to coffee that you don’t actually like because you feel obligated/pressured just walk away. If they press you say I am sorry I do not feel we are compatible. Will you hurt their feelings? Yes. Will it hurt them more to discover that you not only dislike like them but also pity them? Yes it hurts a lot worse trust me. A broken social agreement hurts and for those like myself who do not have a lot of friends or a lot of social finesse we take those agreements to heart.
Whew now that I have ranted.
I was watching a documentary on Sylvia Plath and in it they talked about how early on she mimicked the styles of various writers (something most writers do as part of the learning process). In time she not only wanted to match her idols she wanted to best them. She was extremely competitive. I realized that is precisely what is necessary. It is not good enough for me to write as well as my idols (not that I do I am just saying) if I want to be recognized in my lifetime the only way to do it is to surpass them. I have no idea how to surpass them. All I know is that they have a name and I don’t. That name means A LOT. I have read work on WordPress by unpublished writers that is easily as good as the so-called best but they remain unrecognized by the public because they haven’t established a name. We assume people are good if they are famous, we give them the benefit of the doubt. I am going to confess something right now I don’t care for Emily Dickinson. I checked out a collection of her poetry not long ago. She is one of the most famous poets of all time and given my own leanings I assumed I would enjoy her work. Only I didn’t. I kept reading hoping I’d “get it”. Hoping I’d warm up to her but it didn’t happen. I will try again at another time. Any famous poets you just don’t get? Without a name I have to have an talent that is completely indisputable. I can write. I feel that I am a poet. So I will write and one day maybe I will surpass all expectation.
Deep down (right there on the surface) I am a nerd. I am not a stereotypical nerd because that would be too normal. I haven’t found a way to be normal in any category except perhaps health and fitness or something but I am talking about personality here. Anyways as you know I love the rpg Planescape Torment as you also know I am not much of a gamer. I play a little here and there but unlike a gamer I couldn’t sit for hours and hours left-clicking. I enjoy some games but in moderation.
Some games I do like
Baldur’s Gate 2 (never got fully through the 1st or the 3rd one I know blasphemy)
Diablo I got through 1 but still haven’t finished 2 I can get all the way to the last levels without a single death but I just can’t beat it without tactics which I don’t have
Maniac Mansion (a very strange Nintendo game)
Super Mario Brothers
Heroes of Might and Magic 3
Disc World (I wish I had this I only played it once but it was ridiculously fun)
The Sims 2 and 3
I can have games for 10 plus years and not complete them. I completed Planescape Torment for the first time last year and I have owned the game since like 1999. Sam beat me to the ending so I saw it with him. I like games but I wouldn’t call myself a gamer. Just like I love anime. I watch anime at night with Sam but we don’t go to conventions or collect memorabilia. We don’t remember the details of everything we’ve watched (anything we’ve watched) and we don’t watch the same animes over and over again. I have only dressed up as a game character one time and only because I was taking Japanese class and wanted to psyche them out. The following pictures are terrifying , you have been warned. Especially if you are male because it is a male character.
Anyways the whole point of this post was to let you know that Torment: Tides of Numenera (from the writers of Planescape and the only thing I have ever in my life preordered) is #4 on the most funded projects at Kickstarter! Generally whatever I like is guaranteed to be unpopular and vanish so I am over the moon about it =)
Right now it is only available at Lulu because we have to proof for Amazon and at the moment it is in just a paperback version Sam and I completely forgot the E-Book probably he thought I didn’t want an E-Book version because he bases a lot on voice tone and sometimes my voice tone is inexpressive. Anyways I will remind him later.
Oloriel Moonshadow designed the beautiful cover check out her blog =)
The editing has been completed on my book. Now I have to read through each poem and see if I’ve selected well. This first book contains a lot of older work. To be honest I already have enough for a second book and possibly even a third. I have no expectations of wealth or fame rest-assured lol Nothing nearly so grand but if I go with Lulu I will have to charge enough to afford the price of publishing with them (not the whole price but some of it because they are expensive and my family lives on one income). I won’t be advertising with Lulu. Ororiel has created a gorgeous cover. Melanie has done the editing. So some of the costs have been averted thanks to their extreme generosity. I will create a page for each of my blogs with the book information so you can order but I won’t be removing anything from my blogs or pimping out my book every other post. I am not sure if I will advertise elsewhere, maybe facebook and Twitter. I wanted to use Lulu because the quality seemed good. I have designed the book to be similar in size to my favorite paperback poetry book because it fits so well in the hand. I often find myself holding the book for no reason whatsoever. I want it to be irresistible to hold lol. Of course I will have an E-book version but as I prefer my poetry books in the flesh, there will be a flesh version too. I am not sure how long to the debut. I am hard at work. I’ve started an exciting project too but I won’t tell you a thing about it. Oh yeah the book name is “An Alterable Void” pending any snags of course. I am in full blown obsessive mode so forgive me if I am distracted. I will do my best to write, at least to Mindlovemisery, every single day as always.