For me the first step to accepting my new diagnosis is to own it. I’ve written a note to Facebook to inform my real life friends and my cousins of the new diagnosis. I have published a lengthy post here at Curious Flowers describing the ordeal, albeit ineptly, and linked it to my primary blog Mindlovemisery. I’ve even adjusted my about pages. I can’t imagine going through every post I’ve ever published and omitting the word Epilepsy nor can I feasibly contact all of my followers. I wrote my mom a long email as well describing the situation. I have no idea how she will take the news. I am not sure if she is familiar with PNES or the dissociative disorders. Actually I feel fairly certain she isn’t familiar with PNES but I have no idea about the latter.
I have even written an apology letter to Dr. G. Dr. S allowed us to read Dr. R’s notes and what he reported to Dr. G versus what he said to us (on numerous occasions) does not add up. Though I am not satisfied with many aspects of my care I felt it necessary to clarify the source of our misunderstandings now that I have discovered them and to apologize to her for my suspicion. I never fully trusted her because of my loyalty to Dr. R. I can admit that. I also wanted to give her the opportunity to clarify. I am still uncertain as to when she made the diagnosis of PNES if recently then it is perfectly understandable that I am only just hearing word of it myself. Even though she is no longer my doctor and thus I have no reason to see her again I still wanted to take responsibility. She has already emailed me thanking me for my letter and has informed me that she will contact me by telephone. Yikes I am so awkward on the telephone.
I guess that’s stage one complete now I need to study PNES!