Trigger

9E1E9C878

Karol Bak Malarstwo

The last few nights I’ve slept very deeply. I rise but the sense that I am on the verge of falling asleep remains with me throughout the day, like a ponderous fog concealing a nuclear body. On the nights where I struggle to fall asleep I wake up feeling agitated and wired. Now I just feel inhuman. Words are not forthcoming, my muse has an intense aversion to lethargy. I am dissatisfied with my poems on an anatomical level, I erase them before they’ve formed a single covalent bond.

*

On the 24th I am scheduled to meet my new Neurologist and I’ve gone from excitement to utter despair/disillusionment. As open-minded as I try to be in regards to individuals I find that I mistrust the government and all of its various organizations to a degree which suggests that I harbor within me a certain madness. Generally I find nurses easier to talk to, they are more human/humane in my experience. I studied Nutrition at University and we had a number of classes dedicated to navigating doctor’s treacherous egos. Unfortunately I am always at odds with authority. I am not engaged in any criminal organizations or activities but my attitude remains acutely suspicious/defensive. I have to prepare a list of topics for discussion otherwise my nerves will upend my purpose.

Here is my preliminary list

  1. The Ketogenic Diet
  2. Mystery rash (I am not sure how long I have had it but at least since high school when it was severe it looks like a birth mark but it disappears sometimes, I have tried creams and they work for a time but it comes back). You might be wondering why on earth I’d mention this to my Neurologist but based on some research Sam did it could be related to my seizures the Ketogenic Diet might work to treat it as well.
  3. Disability, advocacy, vocational rehabilitation, local Epilepsy groups
  4. Headaches/excessive auras/vertigo
  5. Topographic amnesia/severe memory problems/memory specialist
  6. Poor quality sleep/falling asleep inappropriately/mental fog
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8 responses

  1. Its normal to be nervous. Your hopes for a better future are in their hands and they are the gateway to better health. You have to convince them that you need it, and with your shyness it will be hard. I hope that you will be clear headed and give a good thorough history that the Dr can work with.

  2. I truly hope everything goes well for you with this physician. And I hope he is able to answer all your questions and solve the problems. Also, I hope this physician is not egotist and you will find him/her comfortable to talk to.

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