Increasingly I find myself getting into fights with cashiers because I can’t read the monitor even though I can physically see it, the numbers are just incomprehensible. Isadora spoke to me the last time I was checking out and the distraction caused me to just toss my money into the air. Sam likes to show me funny pictures online that I don’t get the jokes because I take them too literally is normal and doesn’t worry me in the slightest, the fact that I can’t identify the picture is what has me troubled (I am not talking about illusion pictures but normal photographs). Sam will show me a man in a parachute I will see two pumas in a cocktail bar (real example). Over and over again I find myself staring at images perplexed. Yes I have been to the eye doctor multiple times now and it doesn’t seem to be my eyes.
My confusion is getting worse.
Yesterday (or the day before by the time you read this) when I was looking for today’s therapy appointment. I found a previous appointment notice from Juli 2013. I had called the psychologist a few days previous to cancel that appointment (yes the one that was a year old). They told me I wasn’t scheduled for an appointment, they had no idea what I was talking about in fact. I became belligerent again. Why the hell can’t they keep track of my appointments? I was so angry. They made me another appointment assuming that’s what I wanted. The thing is when I picked up the old appointment I didn’t immediately think oh man I tried to cancel a year old appointment I thought why on earth did I cancel an appointment that wasn’t until July. I showed Sam and he cleared up my misunderstanding. That’s not the end of this story. I told Sam he had to take Isadora to school so I could go to my appointment today. He made arrangements but when I checked the appointment again before bed I realized I had made another reading error. Ironically when I got to the doctor’s office after ½ hour of jogging through the city completely lost and dazed I found out that they had sent me the wrong appointment time to start! They sent me home with another appointment I got lost on the way home as well.
All I can say is that I have had this weird tension in my head not a headache exactly. Just tightness. I find this tightness to be worse on the left side. In fact most of time my head feels great on the right side though when I look to the right I get very dizzy. Which doesn’t really sound abnormal in the slightest it sounds like stress. Sam says it is postural, muscular tension but I am not sure if muscular tension causes you to see an orange as a lady bug lamp. I notice I am not catching what people say either I have had to say huh so much no one wants to talk to me =( I almost threw up on the tram today because of a strong odor that no one else seemed to notice (I have no idea if they could smell it or not because they didn’t do anything revealing). My senses are off and I am having trouble sleeping. Whenever I do sleep my dreams are vivid, nonsensical, and fast-paced. My pupils haven’t indicated heavy seizure activity, stroke or anything else but I am losing a lot of time. Hours just vanish, days just poof, weeks, months dissolving. I guess I am really really tired. PS My posture sucks (according to Sam most of my problems including Epilepsy have to do with bad posture). It doesn’t matter what health concern I come to him with he’s always checking my back for clues. In his defense I do believe a lot of problems are caused by bad posture (most likely the tension in my head) and poor circulation but it cracks me up sometimes because he says it for everything. Hallucinations? Stand up straight woman for fuck’s sake.