Had I been able to fulfill Day 19’s assignment today’s challenge would’ve been pretty dull. As usual I am being very liberal in my interpretation of the prompt. On Day 19 I posted a TED talk that Sam had shared with me several days before. On Day 20th you learned that I am going through a very difficult time right now. Being rejected for a loan was the death of a dream. Our future now is uncertain. Rental apartments are expensive and the price of rentals is projected to escalate substantially. Size-wise we are looking at something very similar to our current apartment only we won’t have that bit of extra storage we have living with relatives. I am depressed, both of us are. At the moment everything feels so hopeless and I just kept bursting into tears knowing that I am the one dragging my family down.
On a positive note I did manage to get a change of Neurologists. I have not met with the new doctor yet so I cannot say anything other than I am grateful to have a fresh start. In 2 weeks I am supposed to receive an appointment hopefully it will be soon and I will have the chance to ask about Disability or advocacy/rehabilitative groups that can help me obtain work. I have an appointment in February with a psychologist and I will bring up this topic up for their consideration as well. I suppose my book could be a slamming success, don’t I wish! My book is giving meaning to my life just the same. I am pursuing a dream despite a series of crushing defeats. Aside from my immense love for my family it may be all that is keeping alive. When I am working on my book it is the only time I am not crying. It is the only time I feel a sense of pride and excitement.
Watching this video apart from making me cry really inspired me. Her optimism and willingness to accept personal responsibility was a real revelation for me. I see now where I may have went wrong with my former Neurologist. I hope to do things differently with the new doctor and I hope that in doing things differently something will give.