Art by Nellie Vin
My right hand is always frozen, the left is cool and inconsequential. I lose the feeling in all my fingers when I sleep it doesn’t matter how I position my arms the nerves are always compressed. My wrists are floppy and easily unset, my shoulders are bony and resolute. I stretch and I strengthen but my upper body remains defensively drawn. As I type the nerve in my right wrist is beginning to pinch. My neck creaks like the floorboards of a turn of the century Victorian. My right hand has fallen asleep in the time it took me to compose these lines. At any given moment my hand will just let go and my muse will mourn the loss of a companionable warmth.
There is an Om festering between my tongue and palate, my lips are unwilling to relinquish their curvature. I feel like my soul has been fed fiber by fiber into a rusted copper pipe. My heart is a complaisant 54 beats a minute it refuses to cater to the protests of my theatrical mind. Breathe in. Breathe out. The pain will forget itself in the name of a more compelling passion.
I am 17 years overdue for physical therapy! I was instructed to get physical therapy following a bout of neck paralysis but my mother could not afford treatment at that time and for many many years after. I exercise daily including yoga. Without yoga the pinched nerves spread through my body causing intense irreconcilable pain. The yoga helps without a doubt but my circulation is still horrendous. I think it might be time to make that appointment! I am so uncomfortable in my body. I wouldn’t say I am in serious pain (not at the moment), it is more a matter of feeling very awkwardly placed.