October 5 2013


With every gainless collapse

The wrinkles

In both brow and linen deepen

I pray that I will arrive

Rested under the auspices

Of a whimsical moon


My dreams are too heavy

They do not exorcise

My demons but bring

Instead new infernos

To which my feverish mind

Must arduously conform


The sun is cruel

She rises later each day

That each morning

I am obliged to alight

In darkness

The shadows would hold me

Awhile yet but always

I must wake at 6 am


Lately I have been falling asleep instantaneously, I am sleeping through the night, my sleep in heavy but it is not productive. I wake up completely exhausted more exhausted then I was the previous day. The days are growing darker which results inevitably in fatigue and a depressed mood but I can’t understand why I have begun this process so early. October has only just started how on earth will I survive 6 months of winter? I also have a reoccurring fever and eye bags. I have never had eye bags before. I realize my journal is early but I can’t imagine I will do much today when I have a fever, I feel like a zombie, and the weather is miserable. Sam went kayaking today with a friend from work. He has never been kayaking and he is afraid of water so I really hope he enjoys himself.

10 responses

    • It does last nights nightmare (well one of them) was I lived in a house with my siblings (I don’t have siblings mind you and I wasn’t myself either). Our parents had been absent for an extended period and we had begun to worry a good deal about their absence. The house was infested with bats, I like bats but these were not the regular sort of bats and they were quite vicious. They kept attacking everyone who entered the house. Finally my brother said I think the bats are coming down from the attic. So I got a ladder to look up into the attic and there were all these dead bodies in the attic, decapitated bodies with their parts posed, and glued onto the walls. I remember this sense of intense dread because I knew who had done it and I knew that the murders were ritualistic and part of something far more sinister but then I woke up.

      • Sounds terrible :/ I dream stuff like that also all the times and it really pinches out the rest we are supposed to get from sleeping,which is terribly annoying.

      • It does especially if they are also very active and/or thought intensive/emotional besides. Sometimes my dreams are so consuming and full I exhaust myself it is like watching a very complicated and very long film

      • That’s why I trained myself to wake up, thinking it will save me. I just say in dream I had enough of this shit and I wake up, but I go back to sleep and just get a new,fresh,same thing nightmare:/

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