October 5 2013

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With every gainless collapse

The wrinkles

In both brow and linen deepen

I pray that I will arrive

Rested under the auspices

Of a whimsical moon

*

My dreams are too heavy

They do not exorcise

My demons but bring

Instead new infernos

To which my feverish mind

Must arduously conform

*

The sun is cruel

She rises later each day

That each morning

I am obliged to alight

In darkness

The shadows would hold me

Awhile yet but always

I must wake at 6 am

=

Lately I have been falling asleep instantaneously, I am sleeping through the night, my sleep in heavy but it is not productive. I wake up completely exhausted more exhausted then I was the previous day. The days are growing darker which results inevitably in fatigue and a depressed mood but I can’t understand why I have begun this process so early. October has only just started how on earth will I survive 6 months of winter? I also have a reoccurring fever and eye bags. I have never had eye bags before. I realize my journal is early but I can’t imagine I will do much today when I have a fever, I feel like a zombie, and the weather is miserable. Sam went kayaking today with a friend from work. He has never been kayaking and he is afraid of water so I really hope he enjoys himself.

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10 responses

    • It does last nights nightmare (well one of them) was I lived in a house with my siblings (I don’t have siblings mind you and I wasn’t myself either). Our parents had been absent for an extended period and we had begun to worry a good deal about their absence. The house was infested with bats, I like bats but these were not the regular sort of bats and they were quite vicious. They kept attacking everyone who entered the house. Finally my brother said I think the bats are coming down from the attic. So I got a ladder to look up into the attic and there were all these dead bodies in the attic, decapitated bodies with their parts posed, and glued onto the walls. I remember this sense of intense dread because I knew who had done it and I knew that the murders were ritualistic and part of something far more sinister but then I woke up.

      • Sounds terrible :/ I dream stuff like that also all the times and it really pinches out the rest we are supposed to get from sleeping,which is terribly annoying.

      • It does especially if they are also very active and/or thought intensive/emotional besides. Sometimes my dreams are so consuming and full I exhaust myself it is like watching a very complicated and very long film

      • That’s why I trained myself to wake up, thinking it will save me. I just say in dream I had enough of this shit and I wake up, but I go back to sleep and just get a new,fresh,same thing nightmare:/

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